9 Relationship ‘Rules' Happy Couples Break

Rule 1: Never go to bed angry.

You've heard this one a million times, but "sometimes a good night's sleep will end the fight better than arguing until the wee hours," says Alex, of Tulsa, Oklahoma, who has been happily married for 16 years. Adds Marie, of Minneapolis, who has been with her husband for more than a decade, "While this advice is great on the surface, the ability to calmly and rationally get an argument across diminishes the more tired you get. Sometimes it's best to just sleep on it and tackle the problem the next morning. There's a good chance that whatever you were fighting about the night before won't seem as important. If it is still important, it's easier to treat each other with respect and not say something awful when you're rested."

Rule 2 : Don't keep secrets.

Depending on the situation, being totally transparent might do more harm than good. "There are some things that my husband doesn't need to know, and vice versa," says Kristin, of Winooski, Vermont, who has been married for 26 years. "Like when it comes to our daughters," she says. "Sometimes the girls confide in me because I'm their mom and they'd be embarrassed if my husband knew their 'secret.' I'd rather them share with me and get some guidance or understanding than not trust me. I don't think this hurts my husband at all, nor would he want me to break their trust." Susan,* of Brooklyn, NY, has been with her husband for 19 years, and adds, "The only secret I'll keep is how much I actually spent on some item like clothes for me or the kids, or some other expense that isn't essential. He knows at this point that I have my own math with this stuff, and it's somewhat of a joke."

Rule 3: Talk it out.

"I'm a proponent of the 'less is more' philosophy," says Kristin. "I think many couples talk things to death and revisit old hurts or betrayals, which is unfair." Adds Lauren,* of Sharon, Massachusetts, who has been married for 15 years, "We both break this rule. If we talked everything through, there would be little time for much else. Sometimes I book vacations or date nights without asking, but we trust one another to make good and fair decisions," she says.

Rule 4 : Don't try to change your partner.

If something's driving you nuts, it's better to try to find a solution than silently stew about it. "I try to break my husband's noncleaning habits, and he has gotten remarkably better about it," says Lauren.* "I think you can't break a person, but if you openly discuss your issues and work on them to become a better couple, that works." Tori, of Los Angeles, who has been with her husband for four years, suggests, "Instead of trying to change your partner, explain to him in a loving moment what your needs are. He will want to make you happy if he truly loves you!"

Rule: Maintain your own interests.

relationship rules to break

Rule 5: Maintain your own interests.

Hey, some couples just prefer to be together as much as possible. And it works for them. "We don't really do anything completely separately from each other," says Marie. "Though we do have separate interests, we tend to involve each other in them. For example, he doesn't like cooking, but I do, and I have him help me develop recipes and give input on meals.

Rule 6: Divide household duties equally.

Imagine how it might feel if you didn't care that you were shouldering more than your fair share around the house. Liberating, right? For some couples, it's the key to happiness. "I'm a stay-at-home mom," says Michelle, of Raleigh, North Carolina, who has been with her husband for 17 years, "so I take on the majority of the household duties. I don't really believe in dividing them equally because honestly there is no such thing!" Adds Tori, "No one wants to live with a nag, and it doesn't feel good to ride someone for household chores, so just do it yourself or pay someone else to do it. Make your relationship happiness a priority, not taking out the garbage."

Rule 7 : Have a regular date night.

No energy to schedule a babysitter and make a dinner reservation? Then don't! "We don't have much energy for date nights," says Lauren,* "so yes, this rule has been broken a lot. We know we will get back to it more after our kids are a bit more independent." Susan* adds, "We don't go on dates regularly because we enjoy spending time with our kids, and family, and friends, but we do make an effort to watch TV or a movie together at least one or two nights a week."

Rule 8: Make romance a priority.

Candlelit dinners, love letters, sexy lingerie…or not. With work and kids and bills and chores, romance in the traditional sense often gets forgotten—and that's totally fine. "Romance is not a priority at all," says Susan.* "As my husband says, 'It's last on our list.' But I think it's OK because we know we love each other and do little things daily like saying, 'I love you' and kissing morning and night." Alexa, of Columbus, Indiana, has a similar outlook. "This one is tough for us," she says. "We live and work together, and having a small business takes its toll on any relationship. But I think we remain happy because we really love one another."

Rule 9: Keep the kids out of your bed.

"We enjoy having our toddlers in our family bed until they are ready to move into a room together," says Marcus, of South Burlington, Vermont, who has been with his wife for five years. "This just means we have to get creative when it comes to sex. Who said you have to do it in your bed, anyway?"

20 Important Relationship Rules That Are Often Ignored

20 Important Relationship Rules That Are Often Ignored
1. Be Honest.
Be nice, but be honest. Trust is vital. Trust is gained through honesty.
2. Compromise.
There’s a complexity to compromising. With gender roles ever evolving it’s important to recognize it’s not about who wears the pants. It’s about balance. Compromise is an inherent part of a relationship. You will have to sacrifice in a relationship. That’s the nature of relationships. If you want your way all of the time, stay solo. It’s about finding a healthy balance in compromise. Both people in a relationship must understand that necessity of compromise and sacrifice in a relationship to make it work.
3. It’s healthy to argue.
It’s healthy to bicker. It’s not healthy to have screaming matches. Some couples brag about “never fighting.” That’s nothing to brag about. It probably means that one of you is holding something in.
4. It’s not your job to fix the person you love.
You can’t fix them. You can only help them fix themselves. You can’t resolve their work issues or wipe away all of their insecurities or get their parents back together. All you can do is be there for them and help them through it. Getting frustrated about your inability to fix your partner will agitate their struggles and strain your relationship.
5. Understand your significant other’s background.
It is important to recognize the person you’re with has not always been that person. They’ve gone through things to make them that person. Appreciate and understand their past. Put them in context. Maybe he doesn’t express his feelings because his family is not particularly expressive, or maybe she is so insecure because her ex was very critical. Be conscious of this.
6. Do not underestimate the power of thoughtfulness.
Listen. Pay attention. There is nothing more meaningful or memorable than mentioning something in passing and then having your partner bring it back up later.
7. Do not limit expressions of love to grand gestures.
It’s impossible to keep up. Fancy dinners or luxury vacations are wonderful, but love does not have a dollar value. If given the option between a weekly sunset walk or an annual vacation, the majority would pick the weekly walk. Money does not show love. Gestures show love. A free gesture also holds value.
8. Take all advice with a grain of salt.
Rule #13 stands, nobody knows your relationship. Advice/tips can help, but only you and your partner know what’s right for you and your partner. Don’t take any outside material as an absolute truth.
9. Research.
If you have a relationship question or need advice, the internet/books can be helpful tools. There is nothing wrong with getting some perspective and advice from outside sources.
10. Value each other’s interests.
If you have different interests, which is perfectly fine, make sure you value what their interests are. Even if vintage airplanes or nail art don’t interest you, do your best to pay attention and have respect for what your partner likes.
11. If you are not getting something you need, ask for it.
Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need. Your partner is not a mind reader.
12. Do NOT get your sex tips from Cosmo.
13. Nobody understands your relationship.
And you don’t understand anyone else’s. There are no exceptions to this rule.
14. Follow the Harry Burns Airport Rule.
Do not stop doing things you used to do in the beginning of the relationship. If you used to take your guy/girl to the airport, still take them. You should never stop trying to show your significant other that you care. Nothing is worse than hearing “How come you never ____________ anymore?”
15. Spite will get you nowhere.
If the other person hurts you in a relationship, hurting them back on purpose will likely destroy your relationship. If you feel the need to “get back at” the person you’re with, you shouldn’t be with them.
16. Split the bills.
Relationships should be even or close to even. It is not a romantic idea, but it is fair. Communicate about what you each feel comfortable with. No one person should put more effort into a relationship than the other, so no one person should put more money into a relationship. It will allow resentment and discomfort to build.
17. Accept that no one is perfect.
It’s about finding the right person, not the perfect person. The perfect person doesn’t exist. Everyone has flaws. Everyone makes mistakes. Prince Charming probably had one beer too many on occasion. Cinderella probably spent too much on shoes.
18. Don’t be afraid to have the tough conversations.
If the relationship is strong and going somewhere, you should bring up the tough stuff. If you’re falling in love but have some concerns, bring them up sooner rather than later. It’s difficult to have serious conversations but it’s better to discover deal breakers earlier on.
19. Trust your instincts.
If you feel in your gut something is wrong, bring it up. 9 times out of 10 your instincts are correct and ignoring them will get you nowhere.
20. Be wary when discussing relationship troubles with your friends.
To a certain extent, it is healthy to discuss your relationship with your friends, but be cautious. If you discuss every little worry, every argument, if you air every grievance, you will poison your friends against your significant other. Find a healthy way/source to vent to that won’t backfire. TC mark

36 Questions That Leads To Love

In Mandy Len Catron’s Modern Love essay, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This,” she refers to a study by the psychologist Arthur Aron (and others) that explores whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by having them ask each other a specific series of personal questions. The 36 questions in the study are broken up into three sets, with each set intended to be more probing than the previous one.

The idea is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. To quote the study’s authors, “One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.” Allowing oneself to be vulnerable with another person can be exceedingly difficult, so this exercise forces the issue.

The final task Ms. Catron and her friend try — staring into each other’s eyes for four minutes — is less well documented, with the suggested duration ranging from two minutes to four. But Ms. Catron was unequivocal in her recommendation. “Two minutes is just enough to be terrified,” she told me. “Four really goes somewhere.”

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

13 THINGS SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE DO RIGHT BEFORE GOING TO BED

1. They read

Experts agree that reading is the very last thing most successful people do before going to sleep — US President Barack Obama and Bill Gates are known to read for at least a half hour before bed.

Michael Kerr, an international business speaker and author of "You Can't Be Serious! Putting Humor to Work," says he knows numerous business leaders who block off time just before bed for reading, going so far as to schedule it as a "non-negotiable item" on their calendar.

"This isn't necessarily reserved just for business reading or inspirational reading. Many successful people find value in being browsers of information from a variety of sources, believing it helps fuel greater creativity and passion in their lives," he says.

2. They disconnect from work

Truly successful people do anything but work right before bed, Kerr says. They don't obsessively check their email and they try not to dwell on work-related issues.

Studies have found that if you associate your bed with work, it'll be harder to relax there, so it's essential you reserve your bed for sleep and sex only.

Michael Woodward, PhD, an organizational psychologist and author of "The YOU Plan," agrees, saying:

The last thing you need is to be lying in bed thinking about an email you just read from that overzealous boss who spends all their waking hours coming up with random requests driven by little more than a momentary impulse.

Give yourself a buffer period of at least a half hour between the time you read your last email and the time you go to bed.

3. They unplug completely

Disconnecting from work means not checking your email right before bed, but this doesn't mean you should turn to social media or games on your phone, either. Researchers agree that any kind of screen time before bed does you more harm than good.

The blue light from your phone mimics the brightness of the sun, which tells your brain to stop producing melatonin, an essential hormone that regulates your circadian rhythm and tells your body when it's time to wake and when it's time to sleep. This could lead not only to poor sleep, but also to vision problems, cancer, and depression.

If you don't believe the research, take it from Arianna Huffington, The Huffington Post's cofounder, president, and editor-in-chief. After collapsing from exhaustion, Huffington completely revamped her approach to sleep. As she details in her book, "Thrive," she has completely banned iPads, Kindles, laptops, and any other electronics from the bedroom.

4. They make a to-do list

"Clearing the mind for a good night sleep is critical for a lot of successful people," Kerr says. "Often they will take this time to write down a list of any unattended items to address the following day, so these thoughts don't end up invading their head space during the night."

For example, Kenneth Chenault, CEO of American Express, writes down three things he wants to accomplish the next day.

5. They spend time with family

Woodward says it's important to make some time to chat with your partner, talk to your kids, or play with your dog.

Laura Vanderkam, author of "I Know How She Does It" and "What the Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast," says this is a common practice among the highly successful.

"I realize not everyone can go to bed at the same time as his or her partner, but if you can, it's a great way to connect and talk about your days," she says.

6. They go for an evening stroll

Joel Gascoigne, cofounder and CEO of Buffer, takes a 20-minute walk every evening before bed.

"This is a wind down period, and allows me to evaluate the day's work, think about the greater challenges, gradually stop thinking about work, and reach a state of tiredness," he writes in a blog post.

While it's a popular belief that exercise before bed can prevent sleep, the National Sleep Foundation actually found in 2013 that exercising whenever you can, even at night, helps you sleep better. Numerous studies have also found that walking reduces stress and anxiety.

7. They reflect on the good things from the day

Kerr says that many successful people take the time just before bed to reflect on or write down three things that they are appreciative of that happened that day.

"Keeping a 'gratitude journal' also reminds people of the progress they made that day in any aspect of their life, which in turn serves as a key way to stay motivated, especially when going through a challenging period."

It's easy to fall into the trap of replaying negative situations from the day that you wish you had handled differently. Regardless of how badly the day went, successful people typically manage to avoid that pessimistic spiral of negative self-talk because they know it will only create more stress.

Benjamin Franklin famously asked himself the same self-improvement question every night: "What good have I done today?"

"Remember to take some time to reflect on the positive moments of the day and celebrate the successes, even if they were few and far between," Woodward says.

Vanderkam adds: "Taking a few moments to think about what went right over the course of the day can put you in a positive, grateful mood."

8. They decompress

Jacquelyn Smith/Business Insider

Maybe you like taking a warm bath. Perhaps listening to calming music relaxes you. 

The most successful people find ways to unwind and decompress before heading to bed. It allows them to de-stress, fall asleep quicker, and sleep more soundly.

9. They picture tomorrow's success

Many successful people take a few minutes before bed to envision a positive outcome unfolding for the projects they're working on, says Lynn Taylor, a national workplace expert and author of "Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant: How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior and Thrive in Your Job."

"For most, this is not a task or exercise; they're wired with a gift of solid resolution skills that come naturally," she says.

10. They meditate

Another great way to decompress is to meditate.

Many successful people use the 10 minutes before bed to do this. Dale Kurow, a New York-based executive coach, says it's a great way to relax your body and quiet your mind.

11. They plan out sleep

"Much has been written around the dangers busy people face running chronic sleep deficits, so one habit I know several highly successful people do is to simply make it a priority to get enough sleep — which can be a challenge for workaholics or entrepreneurs," Kerr says.

One way to do that is to go to bed at a consistent time each evening, which is a key habit all sleep experts recommend to help ensure a healthy night's sleep.

Vanderkam further suggests that you plan out when you're going to wake up, count back however many hours you need to sleep, and then consider setting an alarm to remind yourself to get ready for bed.

"The worst thing you can do is stay up late then hit snooze in the morning," she says. "Humans have a limited amount of willpower. Why waste that willpower arguing with yourself over when to get up, and sleeping in miserable nine-minute increments?"

12. They keep a hygiene ritual

The National Sleep Foundation recommends that you create a hygiene ritual that sends a psychological signal that you are getting ready for bed. This can include brushing your teeth, washing your face, flossing, or combing your hair.

Stephen King's nightly routine includes washing his hands and making sure all the pillows face a certain way.

13. They skip the wine

When researching her sleep manifesto, "Thrive," Huffington consulted a number of sleep specialists for tips. One of her favorites is avoiding alcohol right before bedtime.

While alcohol can certainly help you fall asleep, the National Institute of Health finds that it robs you of quality sleep. Alcohol keeps people in the lighter stages of sleep from which they can be awakened easily and prevents them from falling into deeper, more restorative stages of sleep, the institute finds.

TEN SIGN TO INDICATE THAT UR PARTNER NO LONGER LOVE YOU

1# He no longer shows his love like

The first alarming sign is when your partner loses interest in you and everything he does is meant to impress someone else. Your best option in such a case is to focus on yourself and move on as soon as you can because love isn’t there anymore.

2# He always has something else in mind

Another sign that clearly says ‘love’s over’ is when you notice that your partner is no longer interested in you and always thinks of something (someone) else. Again, insist on having a long honest talk, but remain focused on yourself as this is the best thing you can.

3# You have nothing to talk about

Losing mutual topics of interest and not having anything to talk about indicates that you have lost interest in each other. Your best alternative is to part ways.

4# He blames you for every failure

If you’re the culprit for everything bad that happens in your and his life, there’s nothing better you can do than move on without him.

5# He no longer supports you

If you notice that you easily annoy your partner no matter what you do or say, he mistreats you and is never satisfied with whatever you do for him, then you should probably leave him because you deserve so much better.

6# He always has an excuse for not being at home

Frequent business trips, spending long hours at the office, playing games and drinking with his friends and never taking you with him are all signs that he no longer loves you. Also, as devastating as this may
sound, there’s possibly another woman involved.

7# You are no longer in his plans

If your dreams together fall apart and he makes plans for the future without including you, no longer invest yourself into this relationship. Move on!

8# He is disrespectful towards you

If he doesn’t appreciate all your efforts to mend your relationship and only remembers the bad moments, you may be trying pointlessly to make things better. Break it off as soon as you can and move on.

9# He doesn’t give you any explanations

If you don’t get any explanations for what he does because he feels it’s not important, he doesn’t take you as an important part of his life. You don’t matter, that’s it. So why staying in such a toxic relationship?

10# You hate and you hurt yourself

You get hurt and hate yourself for it because of his lying, cheating, not talking to you, not telling you everything. This is a clear sign that your love’s over. Move on and focus on yourself. You deserve better!

9 psychological reasons someone might fall in love with you.

Love and attraction are weird and mysterious things.
There's a lot we don't understand — and a lot that's idiosyncratic to individual people and couples.

That's why a lot of research into why we mate is bizarre to the point of incoherence — cultural norms as well as oddities in the research methods can create a lot of noise.
Yet it turns out there is a lot of science about why people fall in love that is at once super strange and actually fairly credible.
Keep in mind that no one study is enough to draw definite, broad conclusions. That's especially true because this research tends to focus on the specific behaviors of heterosexual undergraduate students at the universities where researchers work. Still, there's a lot of fascinating knowledge out there about our habits of love and attraction.
Here are nine of the most most interesting finds.
1. People tend to fall in love with other people who are like them. Shared values, life experiences, levels of attractiveness, and age all can make a major difference.
2. If you want someone to fall in love with you, it might help to resemble their opposite-sex parent. That can mean hair and eye color, but also age. Children of young parents tend to seek out young partners more often.
3. There's some evidence that scent can play a role in attraction. Ovulating women, for example, may prefer the scents of men with more testosterone. And men may prefer the scents of women at certain times in their menstrual cycles.
4. 4. If you keep an open posture, that can make you seem less closed off — and more inviting and attractive.
5. Height can also play major role in attractiveness — especially for men — in both the short and long term.
6. Sharing thrilling or scary experiences looks like a great way to jump-start attraction. So maybe skip that coffee date for some skydiving?
7. If you and your crush live close to one another, it's more likely to turn into something — because you can get to know one another through running into each other. At least, that's the case for college students in their dorms.
8. Smiling is another great way to seem attractive. Research suggests many people are just drawn to more positive partners.
9. The best way to fall in love with someone is to get to know them. One researcher famously showed this by having pairs of strangers ask one another just 36 questions in 45 minutes. The results demonstrated exactly how people can build intimacy with almost anyone — if they try.
Kindly drop a comment below.

Relationship Problems

7 Ways Of Dealing With Dating Anxiety
Not everyone is a pro at dating. Sometimes we just get stuck between the idea of dating, giving hints to know how she feels, waiting for the right time to ask her out, fear of ruining the relationship and fear of losing her. This tension is natural when it comes to relationship, but men often disguise their apprehensions with the ‘single’ status. It feels that they don’t want to identify themselves with this anxiety of getting into a relationship or dating. This is possibly one of the reasons why some men don’t succeed in getting into any relationship.
Before you jump on those ultimate dating tips to sweep your girl off her feet, it’s very important to actually come to terms with the fact that you have this dating anxiety. Once you confront this feeling, it will become easy for you to overcome them.
1. What If She Is Not ‘The One’
While you can be somebody’s Mr. Perfect, you too are on a constant search for the woman who is perfect for you. In the process you end up comparing every girl you meet and don’t really like anyone. You also get worried about “What if she is not the one?”
Guys, presumptions won’t help, trying to know her would.

2. The Fear Of Heart break
We all are afraid of getting hurt. But if you hold yourself back because of this fear, then you are definitely going to be left heartbroken. See you don’t know whether you would get hurt or not, but even for that you would have to at least give it a shot.
What you can do is be more honest with her about your feelings and love.

3. My Life Revolves Around Murphy’s Law
You might have been weak in the science subject, but one law you just can’t get over is the Murphy’s Law. You feel that if anything has to go wrong, it will go wrong which makes you view everything in a negative light.
Let that law be there only for knowledge, don’t let it ruin your prospects in love.

4. The Damage Caused By Past Relationship
Getting over your past relationship is tricky and no matter what you do, it always affects your present and future. You might as well feel that the debris from your damaged relationship will get carried forward in this one too.
Let your past stay right where it is. Neither the people nor the situations are same. So don’t compare your past and present.

5. Fear Of Falling Out Of Love
Some might argue on this point but people often have this fear that they might fall out of love and hurt the other person. So you don’t give yourself a chance at all thinking that this might be good for both of you (we know it sounds cliché.)
You are not a fortune teller, so don’t act like one. Instead, go ahead and at least give yourself a chance.

6. She Is Too Good For Me
The ‘Out of my league’ concept is so popular that we always end up compromising on our love. Guys honestly, if you won’t try, someone else will. By accepting the fact that a girl is too good for you, you are actually limiting yourself to failure and bad dates.
She is out of your league only till the time you think she is. Find the real cause for your insecurity and once done that, approach her with confidence.

7. The Fear Of Rejection
No one likes being rejected! But if you don’t make a move at all fearing rejection, it’s worse than getting rejected. In fact, I have seen many people see the person they love dating someone else, just because they didn’t have the guts or were scared of getting a ‘no’.
Guys, there is no harm in confessing your feelings. Like even if she says no, at least you tried and won’t have any regrets later.

Kindly drop a comment.